Feminism, Gender Roles, and the Power of Listening

Do you ever catch yourself falling into patterns you thought you’d outgrown? For me, gender roles have been one of those patterns—a shadow I’ve been wrestling with for years.

I was raised with strong feminist values. My mom worked full-time, despised housework (a trait I proudly inherited), and carried the bulk of the mental load despite challenging it at every turn. My grandmother, pragmatic as ever, advised me as a teenager: “Find a good job before you find a man. There are plenty of men, but not plenty of opportunities.”

And yet, in my twenties, I found myself slipping into a script I thought I’d left behind. I became the emotional caretaker in my relationship, the one who planned, soothed, and held things together. If I faltered—if I felt overwhelmed, anxious, or sad—everything seemed to collapse. For years, I thought this was my fault. That I was the problem.

But was I? Or was I just living out expectations shaped by centuries of imbalance?

The Quiet After #MeToo

The #MeToo movement was a turning point for many of us. It brought buried truths to the surface, not just in society but within our personal lives. For me, it uncovered long-hidden family secrets and forced me to confront uncomfortable realities. It also gave me my first push to write, to share my voice, and to connect with others who felt similarly.

And then, like so many movements, the noise quieted. I found myself seeking healing in spiritual communities, only to feel boxed in by another kind of expectation. I was told I was too masculine. Too loud. Too ambitious. Too strong.

Apparently, a “real” spiritual woman is soft, surrendered, and always in her flow. She trusts. She yields. She doesn’t take up too much space.

It didn’t sit right with me. I tried to conform for a while, thinking I could balance their definitions of “masculine” and “feminine” energy. But eventually, I realized: These categories are just constructs. Who decided that softness belongs to women and strength to men? Or that there are only two categories at all?

A New Wave, and New Challenges

Now, years later, I feel the rumblings of another wave of feminism—an urgency, a loudness that feels both exciting and overdue. More women are reclaiming their voices, stepping into spaces that once felt off-limits.

But with this resurgence comes resistance. Anger. Defensiveness. I’ve seen men react as if equality is a threat, rather than a shared opportunity to build something better.

I recently had a conversation with a man about feminism that left me stunned. I told him I just want to feel safe in my body—that I want to walk home at night without fear. His response? That it was unrealistic, because men are naturally driven by their instincts, and we shouldn’t expect them to change.

I was speechless. If I can control my behavior, even during hormonally charged moments, why can’t this be a baseline expectation for everyone? Are we really so willing to excuse harm as “natural”?

Building Bridges Through Dialogue

These experiences have shaped my vision: to create spaces where real, meaningful conversations can happen. Not debates, where the goal is to win. Not arguments, where defensiveness reigns. But true dialogue, where people of all genders can share their perspectives without fear of judgment.

What does it mean to live in your body, in your identity, in your role? What assumptions and pressures shape your experience? And how can we learn from one another in ways that foster understanding, rather than division?

The answers won’t come easily, but I believe they’re worth pursuing. Real change doesn’t happen when we yell louder. It happens when we listen deeper.

An Invitation

I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t think I ever will. But I’m committed to learning, unlearning, and creating spaces for others to do the same.

So, I’m asking you:

What’s your experience with gender roles or feminism? How do you think we can bridge divides and foster real understanding? Let’s start the conversation. Let’s listen to one another. Because the work of dismantling these systems isn’t just for one group—it’s for all of us.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear your perspective.

In solidarity, Silja