From Hustle to Heart: My Journey as a Digital Nomad

It all started in 2019. I had just spent a year building my social media marketing consulting agency from the ground up, and suddenly, the world felt wide open. Freedom—true, location-independent freedom—was now within reach. So, I did what any adventurer at heart would do: I booked a one-way ticket to Thailand and spent my first two months as a digital nomad on the idyllic island of Koh Phangan. I was excited, driven, and utterly consumed by the idea of success.

But here’s the thing. Back then, I had no idea how much unhealed trauma I was still carrying. I was so focused on being seen, recognized, and successful that I worked myself into the ground. My business became my entire identity, my top priority, and building friendships was always pushed aside. Sure, I met plenty of interesting people along the way, but none of those connections ever felt like they stuck. Something was missing.

On Koh Phangan, everyone seemed so spiritual, so connected to themselves and their bodies. I felt like an outsider, completely detached from the deep sense of self they all seemed to embody. While they were on a path of enlightenment, I was chasing success, and it created a gap I couldn’t bridge. The loneliness crept in, but I pushed it aside, convincing myself that if I just worked a little harder, it would all be worth it.

And from the outside, it seemed like I had made it. By 2019, I had achieved everything I thought I wanted: I was teaching at six yoga festivals, including the prestigious Wanderlust Festival, I had paying clients within three months of launching my online coaching business, and I even hosted my first sold-out group training. By the end of the year, I had my first online course ready to go. I was thriving. Or at least, that’s what it looked like.

But inside, I was exhausted and lonely.

In late 2019, I moved to Bali, hoping to continue the adventure. But what I found instead was more isolation. I spent two and a half years there, torn between growing my business and the exhaustion that came with it. Things stopped being easy, and I no longer wanted to plaster on a fake smile in front of the camera, pretending I had everything under control. I was tired of chasing clients just to make ends meet each month. Anxiety was my constant companion.

I vividly remember standing in a pool in Amed during a retreat, interviewing a well-known spiritual leader for my podcast while quietly panicking about how I was going to pay my bills next month. It was as if my entire life was held together by fragile threads, and I was afraid they were about to snap.

In May 2021, during a week-long "Authentic Relating" retreat, everything fell apart. The mask I had perfected over the years was suddenly stripped away. I realized I had been a people pleaser my whole life, desperately seeking approval while keeping people at arm’s length out of fear. I wasn’t truly vulnerable, because I believed it would be used against me. I was terrified of real intimacy and convinced that, if anyone got too close, they’d eventually see the real me—and they would leave.

By the end of 2021, I found myself in a deep depression. The irony? I had just had my best financial months in business earlier that year, earning five figures for the first time. But by December, I was completely broke, and my once-thriving business was falling apart.

2022 became a year of healing. I committed to EMDR therapy to finally face the childhood trauma that had been holding me back for so long. I threw myself into embodiment coaching and immersed myself in the Authentic Relating community. I knew it was time for deep work.

Midway through the year, I left Bali for good and returned to Germany. Not because I wanted to, but because my body demanded it. A herniated disc forced me to stop running and, for the first time in years, rest. I stayed with my best friend and her family, learning the true meaning of unconditional love. It was during those months that I realized what it felt like to be seen and loved by someone, not because of what I achieved, but simply for being me.

In late 2022, I made a choice. I was done with the endless searching. I left Germany for the last time, knowing deep down that I didn’t belong there. I moved to Portugal, and for the first time in a long while, I felt like I might have found a place I could call home. Of course, the beginning wasn’t easy. Finding my people, making real connections—it took time. But slowly, I learned what I truly needed in friendships. I figured out who I wanted to surround myself with and what I could offer in return.

2023 became the year of introspection. I invested in myself more than ever before, diving deeper into Authentic Relating, therapy, and personal growth. I even began to take my workshops seriously, wondering if maybe—just maybe—this could become something more than a hobby. And then, in 2024, the rollercoaster continued. I lost my freelance job and my apartment, both of which I never truly loved but clung to because I so desperately wanted stability. But this time, something was different.

I had friends. Real friends. When everything fell apart, they stepped up. From offering me a place to stay to late-night phone calls, they showed me the kind of support I had spent years searching for. For the first time, I wasn’t alone.

Now, I’m back to square one, but I’m not afraid. I know what I want. After my internship at Mindvalley I’m taking steps to make Authentic Relating known in that space. I’m working towards a life that feels authentic to who I am now, not who I thought I needed to be.

As I sit here in Estonia, reflecting on this wild journey, one truth stands out: vulnerability is the only way forward. Being honest with myself and others is the key. Yes, it means facing rejection, but it also opens the door to real, meaningful connection. And that’s worth everything.

What I’ve learned is this: the highs and lows will always be there, but it’s the people who stand by you, the ones you allow to truly see you, who make the journey worthwhile.