Recap of the last 6 month and the Mindvalley University 2024

Recap the last 6 month

It's crazy to think that Mindvalley University is over.

Four months ago, I applied for an internship at Mindvalley after my life had fallen apart. Just six months ago, I was so proud of myself:

I had finally found a long-term apartment in Portugal, had a car, had great friends, a well-paying freelance job, and was hosting Authentic Relating workshops with over ten participants every two weeks. I thought I had finally got my life together. I had even managed to save some money and was ready to invest in my retirement. I was supporting two projects that were close to my heart: the Authentic Relating Level 1 training and Nonviolent Communication workshops. I was working through the trauma surrounding my mother’s death and had a fully booked social calendar.

To sum it up, I was on the brink of burnout, complaining almost daily to my friends about how awful my apartment, my landlord, and my job were. I couldn't contribute much to any of these projects and let most of them slide because I just wasn't capable of giving more. I wasn't happy with my life, yet I thought I was so close to the ideal life I had always dreamed of.

The idea of having my life in order had always been crucial to me, and I was tightly clinging to the notion of how it should look. I desperately wanted this perfect life and believed that with a job and an apartment, I had finally achieved 2 out of 3 things I needed. I thought I was finally “good enough” for a partner, as my life seemed orderly enough to let someone in.

Five months ago, my life exploded in front of me. I lost my job, had to leave my apartment, and both projects didn't have any follow-ups. My workshops were suddenly barely filled, and I moved into a friend’s cabin for a month.

To be honest, without the support of my friends and acquaintances, I probably wouldn’t have made it through that time. So many old wounds and fears suddenly resurfaced.

Recap Mindvalley University

The internship at Mindvalley was a spur-of-the-moment decision, a makeshift solution. I never actually expected to be accepted. To this day, I don’t know what compelled me to submit the application. Interestingly, I can’t even find my application in my outbox anymore. I don't even remember what prompted me to apply in the first place. I think I have my impulsiveness to thank for that. Often it gets me into trouble, but it frequently helps me recognize new opportunities and just go for them without overthinking if they are the right next step.

Was the internship the right next step? I have no idea. What I do know is that I learned a tremendous amount about myself. I was confronted with many of my insecurities, such as my need for positive feedback and validation from my supervisor, my perfectionism, the desire to please everyone, my fear of confrontation, and my struggle with how much I let my ego or heart guide me.

What I enjoyed most was the opportunity to observe people, as there wasn't much else to do behind the registration desk. I met fascinating people in theory, but beyond saying “here is your wristband,” I didn't have much interaction with them. I discovered how fulfilling it is for me to serve and lead a team. I realized that I don’t enjoy “helping” in the conventional sense. I was often annoyed when people expected me to rescue them or solve problems they could easily solve themselves. I am acutely aware that this is a pattern of mine. I love serving and supporting. I'm here for the big picture, but please, solve your own small problems...

I confronted my judgments and noticed how they blocked genuine connections. Judgments and prejudices are absolute killers when it comes to building authentic relationships.

What I liked most and can genuinely say, “I am really good at this,” is leading a team. And while I write this, my thoughts go back to a message I received from a volunteer who doubted my abilities in this area. It’s funny how one negative message in a sea of positive ones can still make such an impact. It saddens me to think about how much power I give this one person, allowing a part of me to believe that she might be right with her opinion that "I am not in the right place" just because I admitted to being overwhelmed.

I’m curious to see which people I will still be in contact with in a few months and whom I will meet again next year. I wonder where I will be a year from now. My big dream since 2018 has been to speak on the Mindvalley stage as a speaker, and right now, I feel like I’ve moved a small step closer to that dream...